If you have my trapezius, please return it.

I was able to get a last-minute appointment with the physical therapist earlier today (thanks, in no small part, to Tammy’s adept cancer card playing). After taking a brief history and lecturing me on how I should sit properly in front of my computer all day, the therapist asked me to raise my arms and do some other movements.

“You’re missing your trapezius muscle.”

If you have mine, please return it.

If you have mine, please return it.

Well, that’s a fine how-do-you-do.

I told her I’m pretty sure I didn’t misplace it and that I’d have remembered if I left it somewhere.

After a few more arm lifts, extensions and other movements designed, I’m sure, to test the limits of the patient’s patience, as well as some poking and prodding by one of her colleagues, the PT pronounced her diagnosis: nerve damage of some sort that is not allowing me to flex my trapezius on the right side of my neck.

This is not untreatable, assuming the nerve has not be severed, which is highly unlikely, given my surgeon was cutting nowhere near the nerve in question.  Rather, what most likely happened was damage caused in the hubbub of getting me back into the OR for my follow-up surgery the following day.

So, I now have more PT exercises to do.  Add that to the initial PT exercises I was told to do starting a few weeks ago, as well as the Pilates I’m supposed to be doing, and that’s a LOT of things to ignore.

I think I need to start keeping a list.

OK, in all honesty, this one concerns me a bit, because (1) I look even funnier than usual what with being asymmetrical and all and (2) I do not want to run the risk of the muscle atrophying completely.

So, there you go.  At least we have a plan of action and, in this case, treatment involves no side effects.


About Alan

F---ing Cancer since 2011.
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8 Responses to If you have my trapezius, please return it.

  1. Alan, you missed your calling. You should be a comedy writer!

  2. Nisan says:

    My third cousin, Vladimir is a trapezius in the circus. I can ask him to hook you up!

  3. jay says:

    Missing your trapizus? Figures.

  4. helen says:

    alan, with all the pt and pilates, you’ll be in great shape! i guess i can’t wish you a happy thanksgiving, so hope you have a happy thursday!

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