This ‘n That

Apparently, I’m not as young as I used to be.

When visiting my oncologist last week to review recent blood tests and to discuss continuing to move forward with the TAS-102, she informed me that, contrary to what she has told me in the past, not all of my aches and pains can be ascribed to cancer.  It seems that some of my muscular soreness might actually be a result of – gulp – getting older.

That and the fact that I don’t exercise at all, and my muscles have become de-conditioned.

And I’m pretty fastidious about my “eat whatever the heck I want to” diet.

All that taken together means that, when I exert myself in any appreciable way, things will likely hurt for a few days after.

Good thing I have no shortage of painkillers from which to choose, after spending Thursday last week moving some bags around that I probably should not have.

Although, it should be noted, that when I did push the good doctor and asked if it’s at all possible that, you know, cancer is causing me pain, she acquiesced.

OK, so I don’t feel like a complete idiot, and I will  continue to avail myself of the plethora of pharmaceutical and botanicals I have at my disposal.

Oh! Speaking of which, I received a call the other day from Tikun Olam – my cannabis supplier – wanting to know how I’m doing and am I still using my herb. When I explained that I basically use it when I want some extra help calming down and generating a buzz since I no longer partake in adult beverages, the surveyor was somewhat taken aback.  I had to explain that I found the pharmaceuticals better at killing my pain and augmenting my appetite.  For now, at least, Herb’s just for fun.

So, I just started another two-week course of TAS-102 and will engage in the usual blood tests in a few weeks…


For the past 23 years, Tammy has be lighting Shabbat candles using the silver candlesticks that belonged to my mother.  A few years ago, after her paternal grandmother died, Tammy added her small candelabra, as well.

Approximately once or twice a year we polish them, to the best of our ability.  But last week, we decided to have them professionally cleaned.

What a difference.

I couldn’t help but snap this hasty pic of the candlesticks in use; I found myself thinking Shabbat candlesabout mothers and grandmothers and how, usually, such candlesticks are purchased early on in a marriage, when possibilities are endless, imagination limitless and potential immeasurable.  No one thinks about the unexpected, unwanted twists and turns.

The train of thought here is obvious, I assume.  Did my mother have any inkling of what would happen to her? Not a chance, just as Tammy’s grandmother had no way of knowing where she’d end up – New York by way of Israel – when she acquired her small candelabra in Germany.

And, when I inherited my mother’s candlesticks, more than 30 years ago, to be used when I established my own home, I had no way of knowing…anything.

None of this “teaches” us a thing.  It is just a reminder that we simply don’t know what tomorrow brings.  So, for now, let’s enjoy today’s shiny silver.


About Alan

F---ing Cancer since 2011.
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2 Responses to This ‘n That

  1. Lori Linzer says:

    So true, Alan.
    Funny how these phrases and ideas aren’t trite once you’re experiencing their truth for yourself. I like the new philosophical, contemplative Alan. There’s so much to discuss… Thanks for sharing.

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